The Eye (English Version) by Apriliyantino

This bedroom is silent. No nothing but the lonely space and me. We both shook hand, we had a deal to stay close each other. We melted into one. I did mean to deny anything else surround, I knew that there were so many others here. I realized that the clock hanging on the wall, my clothes on hangers, and those books which arranged yet in their place. So does, a set of Computer in front of me, now. I knew, they were all here but have no meaning. They were only compliment, just additional features that completed the empty space around me. They lied and betrayed the vacuum—this awkward dumb. Thus, I thought they have no rights to complaint me. I will sit here, for this retired and empty space till the time gone.

I don’t know when I started enjoying this emptiness. I really love it. I’m holding it now, as a girlfriend whom I love indeed. It seems like that I will not let it away. I always feel in peace through this way. I am happy with this deep dumb. I am dreaming in alone. I really enjoy this purity. I assumed both the dumb and I like sibling, in two colors; that separated in black and white. I locked us; the dumb and me, in order to skip away the glow of the rainbow. I hate any variation of color. I don’t ever like those colors polluted the sky freely.

I hate indeed the thing called rainbow.

Then, my story has started….

***

“Every single thing given by god to you, you must be grateful,” said my spiritual teacher at that time. I always keep it in my mind. I understand it comprehensibly. I really know the definitions of grateful by heart and I’m the master. How do we show it, sir? I asked him. It wasn’t answered yet but the adzan had been barking too fast and interrupting. It flew through the wind from another neighborhood village. The sound was creeping throughout bushes and farms while I was waiting the answer.

“The time is over, kids! Let say Alhamdullilahirrobilalamin. O god, thank you for the bliss and everything given to us. Kids, take an ablution now!” the spiritual teacher remind us.

“Yes, sir!” we replied as almost in the same tone.

“Don’t fight again among you!” he shouted.

“Yes, sir!” we shouted him back.

Afterward, we sang a song of praise as usual. Murmuring the holy sentences of god, to be grateful for the entire goodness we owned. We will always remember that god has given us anything we need and as a weak human being, we can do nothing but thank Him. This religious message has inserted in my heart completely. I guessed that we were still pure so that dogma could stick in our soul deeply. Although, sometimes we did know what was the real beyond it. I was a kid. My friends were kids. We’re only kids that really susceptible from those doctrines.
To be grateful of god’s gift was the example. At that time, I thought that it was something awful which led me to paradise and gave me a guarantee for it. Then, I also remember that if we thank Him, he will add his mercy. Though, I wasn’t really aware of it but accepted it as something true. We trusted, believed it without any question.

The night walked down slowly. It grasped the light silently. Nobody knew that the time gone invisibly. My religious teacher passed away. God called him faster than my friend and I expected. We lost him forever. Without him, we couldn’t go on. My friends and I stopped by his death. On the other side, my parents and maybe my friends’ parents were too busy with their business. They wouldn’t teach us as it should be. They all only knew how to feed us. They’re all only laities. So far, when my beloved religious teacher were still alive, parents were totally depends on him. Now, without any question and quotation, he left us alone.

Time goes fast, as people said that it flies like an arrow. I still try to seek out the answer that I ever ask to my late religious teacher, how I should thank Him? In what’s certain way? I go for it. I ask my dad, mom, and even my neighbors and someday, I ever asked my Goat. I need to know how to say thank you god, in the way that it should be. I heard that not all people can express their grateful correctly as demanded by god. People tend to be betray, they forgot all the mercies.

Grateful can be done when you eat, kid. Don’t remain any pieces of your food left in your plate, never whimper as you saw new toys when your dad has no money, and stay away from the river!” said my dad someday when I asked him about the way to thank Him. Maybe, he only restricted me to do bad thing I used to be “remaining my food in almost a half of plate” every time I eat. I used to whimper and even cried out loud when the toys trader passing our house. When I was younger, I realized why did my dad said as so. I understood the reason. My family was not strong enough economically at that time, when I was a child. My dad was only a laborer. Everybody knows, what can be earn, I meant how much fee that could be earned my dad a day as a laborer. It’s very minimum, often lack of anything. So that, I got his pure perspective about grateful I asked.

It was deferent when I asked my mom. Grateful can be shown by following every single instruction that she gave to me. Never say no when she need a help. Never play around in the rain. Never came home late after school. I know, in my childhood I used to betray the rules mentioned. I honest, I was little bit naughty at that time. People say that that attitude appears up to now. Sorry.

Said my goat? Oh, no no I was kidding you dude.

According to my neighbor, he’s Mr. Jamal. Thank Him means we give the rights of the god’s gift. Fill it out with something that should be given. It means also put the function of each sense on its right place. The eye used for looking anything, to see something beautiful, to capture the portrait that has been shown by our creator. To be grateful and say thank o gad. Our stomach does too, hands and feet, anything we have that beneath on our body, without any exception. Don’t waste them away or you’ll be considered as someone who has no respect on god kindness. This was Mr. Jamal words before evening come down at that time.

I kept my question in my mind. But, Oh… Again, the fate did something unexpected too fast: Mr. Jamal passed away before I got further explanation. I trapped in unending question, I was so curious.

***

I knew that the time left me behind. I got the gist of the whole definition that I had been looking for. I established my own understanding about destiny and fate. I’m the expert! I drew the line of my way….. (to be continued)